the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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