it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize