I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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