I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
