Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
