careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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