I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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