I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
