booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
