either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
