I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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