i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
