You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My vagina is officially offended.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
