My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
