Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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