the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
