What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
