we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
