can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize