you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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