i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
