This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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