Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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