Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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