we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
