I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize