we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
