I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize