I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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