The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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