I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
