He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
