will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
These tits shall not be calmed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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