I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
