If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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