shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
