i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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