I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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