There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize