i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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