sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
