Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
