I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
