so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
