saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
