I think I won the penis lottery.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
