I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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