you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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