If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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