Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
