the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
