Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
