im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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