New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Randomize
