he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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