They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize