We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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