on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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