just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
