So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
