I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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