bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
