So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
