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I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
