shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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