I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
