I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
