she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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