i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
