so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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