He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize