Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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