i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize