how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
