Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
