There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
